I was thinking about fitness and trying to figure out why I am not exercising as much as I know I should. I thought, “When would I find the time?” And then I started to spiral into the shame and self-loathing of “never enough” pelting my mind with platitudes like “you have to make the time” and “the only person stopping you is you.” UGH!
Because I had just been watching Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato talk about body image issues, I cut off my negative self-talk about my body and I realized that even if I were going to start exercising now, I would not be doing it for the right reasons. I would be trying to achieve that perfect body and, as Swift said in one of her interviews, “There will always be some standard of beauty that you are not meeting.”
Anyway, springing from that, I’ve started thinking about achievement and overachieving in all spheres of life, how this ideal is thrust upon young people, especially students, and how it is damaging to us.
It is alluring to think we can do it all especially because social media makes it seem like there are people out there who have the same circumstances as you, the same 24-hours as you and they really do seem to be having it all and doing it all.
But I always try to remember that there is something missing in their life, there is something they are sacrificing, there is something that is suffering, there is something that you’re doing that is valuable to you that this person is not doing because they “have it all” and that same person you are looking at and loathing yourself is looking at someone else and doing the same thing. So when does it end? And why did it start in the first place?
Let’s get this straight! Having it all is not possible! It seems possible when you’re spiralling through it in your own brain and all that rhetoric that you’ve seen and heard are swirling through your mind.
But let’s really break it down and look at it objectively:
They say, “If you’re gonna get the exercise you need, you need to wake up at 5am and just get it in.”
They say, “You can’t get caught in the trap of eating out all the time. You have to prepare your meals at home. It might seem like you don’t have the time but if you just get up at 5am and pack that lunch bag, it will reap so many benefits.”
They say, “If you’re going to really start your business or write your book, the time is not going to just fall in your lap. You have to make the time. You have to wake up at 5am and just put in the work.”
They say, “If you’re going to start a family and have children, you’re barely going to get any sleep. Even if you do get some rest, you’ll be up again by 5am.”
I ask, “How many things am I supposed to be getting up at 5am to do?” Is there some magical 5am someone isn’t telling me about because my 5am turns to 6am in under 5 minutes?
They say, “Going for a second or third degree becomes harder the older you get. You need to start now.”
They say, “Finding the love of your gets harder as you get older because the pool of eligible singles gets smaller and the older people get, the more they’re set in their ways. If you’re going to try to get married, you need to start now.”
They say, “Having children gets a lot harder the older you get and there’s a high risk that your child will have defects the longer you wait. If you’re going to start a family, you need to start now.”
They say, “Working out and keeping that fit body gets harder the older you get. You need to start now.”
They say, “The money you save on eating out and recreation could go towards buying a house. Your mortgage payments are significantly reduced the younger you are at the time of purchase. You need to buy a house now.”
You need to read as many books as you can now. Watch videos. Listen to podcasts. Attend webinars and networking events. Take in as much knowledge as you can now. Grow your network. Build up your skills now. Take short courses now. Write that book now. Work on yourself now. Start multiple income streams now. Enjoy your life now, You need to start now. Start now. Start now. Start now. Now. Now.
How many things am I supposed to start NOW?
I’m content that I am not exercising the way I should right now. I’m not reading as many books as I would like to read now. No, I’m not promoting laziness or poor health or self-limitation or procrastinating. I’m promoting reasonableness and balance and rest and self-determination. You don’t have to do all the things they say you have to do and you certainly don’t have to do them right now. It’s not even possible and it’s counterproductive and propelling a growing mental illness and burnout epidemic.
Right now, I am working on writing more, mostly because I’m a writer and I need to write and secondly, because I’m building a career in writing. I’m also reading more this year than I have in any years prior, mostly because it’s relaxing and fulfilling and secondly, because I need to read more to build my skills as a writer. I eat mostly plant-based, mostly home-cooked meals that I make myself and that takes a lot of work. I generally go outside once a day to water my 30+ plants with my husband and I get a little movement and fresh air in there. I work over 40 hours a week as a full-time teacher. I generally save about 15% of my income each month and I don’t have a habit of overspending. I spend a lot of time building my friendship with my husband and trying to keep in touch with the family and friends that matter to me. I take my faith and my spirituality very seriously and I spend several hours a week working on that aspect of my life. I get a relatively good amount of sleep.
I do a lot but until I just wrote all those things down, I didn’t realize how much I was doing or how well I was doing. If I let my mind run wild, I spend most of my time being discouraged about everything I’m not doing and how I’m not doing the best at leveraging the time and money and resources I have. I should be changing out my wardrobe month by month to make it more professional (but to do that, I’d have to save less or stop saving altogether.) I don’t drink enough water. I’m not getting an ideal or consistent amount sleep. I need to exercise more (but, to do that, I’d have to get less sleep.) I need to read more (but, to do that, I’d have to get less sleep or cut into the time I spend with my husband.) My house isn’t clean enough. I’m paying for cable every month but I’m barely watching TV. I’m not practising enough self-care, getting enough recreation and me-time. My skin is a mess. Why don’t I go see the dermatologist? When was the last time you did your nails or shaped your eyebrows? You look disgusting. Are you spending enough time with your family? You don’t call them enough. You don’t text your friends enough. What kind of friend are you? You’re not present enough on social media. You spend way too much time on your phone.
All of those thoughts make regular train rides in my head.
If you’re like me, you’re likely doing a lot but still feeling like it’s not enough, like you’re not enough. One day when you’re spiralling, make some time to do what I just did. Make a list of all the things you are doing. No matter how small they may seem, don’t self-edit, just write them down. Write all of it. You might be surprised that the problem is not that you’re lazy or unproductive or unambitious. It might be that the bar set for you was made for a giraffe, when you’re a cheetah. And if you speak openly with some other people about how you’re feeling you may also find that, while they’re criticising you, the cheetah, for not jumping high enough to reach the bar, they’re also criticising the giraffe for not getting there fast enough.
Re-educate your mind. Set your own bar. Run your own race. “Overachieving” is for losers.
Miss Education JA 